The D-word

The last month-and-a-half has been very difficult for me, and, if you will excuse my intentionally omitting the details, it deals with death. There has simply been a lot of death hanging over me, my household, and to a lesser degree my work.

The weight of loss has been exhausting, and it seems just when I’m able to come up for air and gain some sort of footing, there is news of someone I know losing a loved one. I come back to the word exhausting because not only have I had to reorganize my thoughts (permanently shifting those who were in the present to the finality of the past) but also sort through my emotions, my attachments. There is the inevitable reflection on my own mortality, given that I’m 50. Sure, I may have another 50 years to go, but there’s nothing like death to make you contemplate the frailty of not only our bodies but the support systems — our occupations, our responsibilities, our dependents — while we are alive.

I’ve been luckier than some, in that I have either been shielded by distance or time when someone close to me has passed. However, it seems to be catching up. Death is no longer an abstract concept. As a bumper sticker I once saw said, Nature Bats Last.

Thanks for reading.


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