I gotta say, it’s been a pretty exhausting time as of late–pretty much all of July to be honest. Not exhausting in a necessarily bad way but there were challenges posed by work demands combined with existential writer dread. And then there was also the World Cup, which my city co-hosted. As much as I love the game (play it, watch it, own at least three jerseys) these being competitions can become distracting time-sinks.
I took a week off and spent the first half of it sauntering around town and idea-generating for the novel-in-progress. The latter half I spent with my wife in Prince Edward County, which was a wonderful escape from all of the above. If anyone is looking for winery or brewery recommendations in the Country, feel free to hit me up. I should also mention that I took a social media break during this time–it wasn’t intentional, but rather came out of being outraged/disappointed by something a colleague had done which I felt was disrespectful towards me (that’s as much as I’ll say). It was helpful to note just how reflexive it can be to open Bluesky or IG…and watching time slide away in a way that isn’t really healthy (unsurprisingly I uninstalled those during that week).
This is my first week back and I find that my writer’s brain is firing on all cylinders, which is a relief. For a long while–we’re talking months–I found it hard to devote myself in the way I have in the past to writing (writing anything). It was easier to revise works-in-progress and submit existing works which is good…but it’s kinda like making every workout a leg day–you’re avoiding the other big part above. (Speaking of workouts, I recently dived further into doing eccentric exercises and I’m enjoying the difference, if only to get a little more variety in my routine). Writing is something I’ve never had to worry about; I can sit my ass down and do the reps as good as anyone else. But over the last 6-8 months it had required more effort. Especially with no word on the future of my novel on-submission, it’s been harder. Lot’s of why the hell am I doing this? I’m reminded of the movie Awakenings where Robert de Niro’s character, having had his bodily ability restored after decades dormant, say that he didn’t want to go to sleep that first night for fear that he would wake up with his old affliction once more. For me, it was the idea of taking a break from writing and the question of, when I came back to it, would it still be there? It being the skill and confidence, the real-time generation of scene description and dialogue. So I didn’t push myself like I normally would.
It feels like the rest did me good, and for that I’m thankful.
It’s harder than ever being an artist. I think many people can relate to feeling that they have to work harder just to have the same standard of living as they did five years ago. That said, I look at other writers on social media (I know, this never solves anything; in fact it can often make things worse, as I mentioned) and I sometimes ask myself anxiously Do these people even have jobs? when I see them having several works published over the course of a month and openly workshopping their latest work-in-progress. Anyways, the short version for me is that it feels as if there’s less time in the pie chart for writing, but we’ll see. With the burst of ideas I’ve had recently I hope to make the space happen for it to get developed.
