Of Men and U-Boat Commanders

I was explaining to someone last week – a female friend who was stressed about a commitment she’d made, only to find afterwards that it was impossible to fulfil even though it was very important – how I would approach the problem. Yes, to be fair, I was drinking, just in case you think I speak this freely/condescendingly in general.

“There’s a thing about guys. Some, not all. But, when men are under pressure, we immediately think we’re U-Boat commanders.”

“What?” she asked, understandably perplexed.

I explained what U-Boats are, particularly within the context of the classic German WWII film, Das Boot. You see, once a man over the age of 25 has seen that film (or, for that matter, similar films such as The Hunt For Red October, or quite frankly any movie involving a submersible military vessel with men yelling at each other inside of it) he has a perfectly tailored example which appeals to our testosterone-laden imaginations.

And thus, when men find themselves under pressure, it’s easy for them to transpose the tense life/death struggle they’ve seen onto their comparatively mundane situations.

I told her that, as a U-Boat commander, your first responsibilities are to your country and your crew. This meant sacrificing one’s honour, if need be. That, for the greater good (i.e. posterity) it would probably be best to own up to her inability to satisfy the terms of her commitment and either state this immediately to the other party, or, better still, come up with a ruse that is so ingenious that it fools everyone and saves both honour and embarrassment while preserving the integrity of country (you) and your crew (your reputation).

So, as a breezy aside, next time you find yourself being metaphorically torpedoed (whether by others or yourself), remember the stoic lessons of the heavily burdened U-Boat commander. Or, at the very least, run out and rent Das Boot or Master and Commander for inspiration.